My young son, Max, is very fond of building innovative and creative structures for us at home out of Lego, Duplo, plush toys, action figures – anything he can get his hands on really. Although we have never discouraged his imagination, his mother and I were beginning to have a big problem with the ‘mess’ which his masterpieces were leaving across different living spaces. This resulted in the implementation of our house rule that ‘no-one is to leave a room until their mess is cleaned up.
Initially this was met with tears and tantrums, however, Max is now aware that he is much less overwhelmed by cleaning up a small mess than a big one. We are now able to stay on top of a mess before it becomes unmanageable, and we are working with Max on cleaning up after himself before he starts Prep next year.
At school, every period of every day provides our boys with an opportunity to build their resilience and independence skills. Our teachers provide them with the space and opportunity to make choices, test limits, experience risk, make discoveries, and be involved in decisions that affect them. The process of fostering independence, however, is not a simple one, it takes energy, perseverance and differs from child to child. It is critical that there is a team behind this process when our boys make the huge jump to starting in Prep. When families and schools team together on this transition, it is a much smoother experience. Our teachers will provide learning experiences to foster independence in our 390 Junior School boys and there are things which can be done from home to support this.
- Organise your home space to support your son’s ability to practice independence. Are they capable of reaching their cups, plates, forks, and napkins? Can they access a sink and soap to wash their hands? Add a hook at eye level for them to hang their bag after school. Keep a step stool near the kitchen to get their snack from the fridge or pantry without help.
- Encourage self-reliance by providing opportunities to have responsibility. Try to find at least one way every day where your child can accomplish something "on their own" without being overly supervised. This could be hanging up their bag, feeding the pets, getting the mail, setting up the table for dinner or helping to pack lunch.
- Encourage them to be a part of maintaining a routine. This could include having a bedside clock and knowing what time they should be up before and when they should go to bed by. It might help to have a list displayed of what needs to happen to ‘get ready in the morning’.
- Try to avoid correcting your son when they attempt to do something independently. For example, if you ask him to make his bed, and it isn't perfect, resist the urge to fix it (hard, I know!). They will not want to keep trying if they feel they aren't doing it to your standards.
- Establish effective school (and home) arrival routines that children can carry out themselves. Encourage them to find their own peg, put away their own drink bottle, bag and hat. Mirror this with clear expectations on what to do with bags, shoes, lunchboxes and hats. You could have designated, labelled spaces for items and low shelves, hooks, and boxes which are easy to reach.
- Ensure that they can recognise their belongings and how they are labelled.
- When packing your son’s lunch include them in making choices and helping you. Negotiate healthy and filling food in realistic quantities for lunch and make sure they can easily open wrapped items, containers and their lunch box.
- Encouraging your son to identify their feelings and support them in recognising the emotions of others. When something impactful happens, ask “how do you feel about that?” At school we refer to the Zones of Regulation. Utilise this language at home in having your son identify which zone they’re in and what they need to do if they want/need to leave it.
Matt Knight
Deputy Head of Junior School